Catch Her, A Poem Dedicated to NEDA Week

7 pounds, 9 ounces

The stiff smell of asepticity and disinfectant

Wraps around

A healthy, happy and silent one

Like a blanket, fitting

In her mother's arms,

As she whispers to the small, pink, face

“Life won’t be easy, beautiful girl.

But I’ll catch you when you fall.”

7 pounds, 9 ounces.

13 years later,

112 pounds, but not happy.

It’s been almost 6 years now.

A baby now a young girl,

Just now fully understanding

What has happened.

6 years,

Yet people still talk like

It all had happened yesterday.

“Your mother was so incredibly beautiful.”

“Your mother was a strong, admirable person.”

“Your mother would have been proud of you.”

You see, life in its inequitable manner,

Proved itself to be more than just hard.

And just like that,

Mama fell.

And her baby was far too young

To return the favor

Her mama habitually did her.

She was far too young to catch her mama.

13 years old, 112 pounds.

In her mother’s absence, she lacked guidance.

And Daddy was too preoccupied with

Working,

Cleaning,

And grieving

To notice his daughter’s newly secured

Obsession with control.

It was a desire to control everything in her life,

To compensate for the control

Her family had lost

And for how her mother had left.

And you tell me,

What’s the easiest thing to control?

14 years old, 92 pounds.

It didn't start the way

Most would think.

For her, it wasn't about wanting to be as tiny

As the stars on tv

Or the women on the cover of magazines,

Parading their artificial, Barbie Doll physiques

And fragile frames.

It wasn't about purchasing the smallest

Dress size on the rack.

Or being the slimmest girl

Out of her group of friends.

For her, it was more.

It was an addiction,

A new way of life,

The most extreme feeling of trepidation.

You see, people will tell us that anorexia nervosa

Is the need to be skinny

Or the need to diet

To look good for bikini season.

They’re wrong.

Anorexia nervosa is characterized by

Quite literally,

The fear of food.

Verbatim:

Anorexia is a serious psychological disorder.

It is a condition that goes well beyond

Out-of-control dieting.

A violent obsession with numbers,

Precise calculations

Of every calorie consumed

Along with malnourished, restless limbs

Was now what defined her.

But Hell,

All she wanted was to be perfect

Like her mother.

14 years old, 88 pounds.

You see, just like any other serious disease,

There are stages to this.

Not wanting to eat becomes

“I can't eat. I don't know how.”

Happiness becomes less of an emotion

And more of a feeling.

It is the physical sensation

Of Ice cold water

Slipping down a hungry throat

To a hollow stomach.

Or the numbness that spreads

All through your legs,

When refusing to slow down on a run.

Or the emptiness that separates

Your waist from the clothes

That once hugged to your body so tight.

14 years old, 88 pounds

A scientific approach:

As the brain is deprived of calories,

One’s thought process is altered

And rational thinking becomes unattainable.

As starvation continues,

One sacrifices a realistic perception

Of who they are,

Physically and mentally,

For a confused and harmful,

Everlasting insecurity.

And she's in so deep,

It doesn't look possible

To ever find a way out.

And as she stands on a scale

For the seventh time that evening,

She thought

'This is what falling must feel like’

14 years old, 85 pounds.

A statistic:

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate

of any mental illness,

And only one in 10 people receive treatment.

Her treatment was initiated

The day she was admitted to the hospital.

14 years old, 83 pounds.

The stiff smell of asepticity and loneliness wraps around

An unhealthy, ashamed and silent one

Like a thin blanket in a bitter cold.

What has she done to herself?

This is not what her mother would have wanted.

She has fallen,

But now,

Who will be there to catch her?

24 million

Serious, psychological disorders

Like Anorexia

Consume the lives of individuals

For various reasons.

No one’s story is the same.

And unlike their victims,

Eating disorders feast.

They eat at individuals quickly,

Stripping them of their

Happiness

Confidence

And identity

Without mercy.

Approximately 24 million

People of all ages, gender,

And background suffer.

Become aware.

Become understanding.

Notice the psychological disorders

That prove to be prevalent

Among our young community.

Take a look around you

And hold out your hands.

That way, when someone falls

We are all prepared to catch them.